LOPSIDED

On my last  annual visit to my oncologist, just a couple of weeks ago, for the first time in 7 years someone asked me how I feel about the way I look now. I see the actual oncologist occasionally now, I used to see her every visit in the beginning, but now time has gone on I usually get to see her registrar so I see a different person each year. I saw a very thorough young man this time, to be honest he looked like he had hardly left school he looked so young, but I should imagine he was older than he looked as he was a registrar and I know it takes years of training to get to that stage. He was very nice, he gave me a very thorough investigation making sure I had no lumps or bumps anywhere, checking my neck and my liver and for the first time I received a letter from him saying that no problems had been found at my appointment, he did tell me that when I saw him face to face, but it was nice to also have a letter to that effect. For the first time he asked me how I felt about the way I look now.  I had a wide local excision and 3 out of 13 lymph glands removed from underneath my armpit and though the scar has healed well and is neat enough, it has also faded through the years I do feel lopsided. I was told by my surgeon who carried out the operation originally that a good fitting bra would sort me out but even so I do still feel a bit lopsided and sometimes I feel one side looks a little lower than the other. The doctor told me that if I felt really strongly about my shape and the way I now look I could speak to someone to have surgery to even myself up. He said it was important I felt good about myself. I appreciated his concern, and I thought it was nice, that he obviously realised (for a change) that I might feel less than happy with my shape and the way I look. I know one lady who had a mastectomy on one side but could not get on with her chicken fillet, she did not want to have a reconstruction though, and eventually she decided to have a mastectomy the other side so to at least even herself up. A brave decision, especially as we are talking a couple of years or so after her previous surgery, but she insisted she would feel better about herself to have this done! Hopefully she has come to terms with her decision as I know she went ahead with the operation, and feels better as a result. Its a personal thing, and obviously it is best to do what you feel happy with, I think I may have gone for reconstruction but then again I was not actually in that position, so I may have gone down a different route if I had been faced with it. I have thought about what the doctor said to me, and I appreciate his concern and caring about how I feel, but I cannot face another operation to even myself up so I shall stick with my well fitting bras, as I have done for the past 7 years and will hold my head high. I have had enough of hospitals, I don`t like operations, anaesthetics and all the rest of it and I cannot see the point of putting myself through any more trauma. The difference is not so great, the droop is not so bad, and maybe with time I will not even notice that I am a little lopsided. It is entirely a matter of choice, nobody should do something they are not happy with, but I am glad, that at last someone bothered to ask me what my thoughts are on my own situation. It was kind of my doctor and I appreciate his caring attitude.

How to survive radiotherapy.

I had a message this week from someone going through breast cancer at the moment who said my blog is helping them through the ordeal. I am so glad my ramblings are of some use, and if it helps even one person through the treatments, thats great.

The person who messaged wanted to know how radiotherapy affected me, and what, if any, side effects I suffered so I thought I would write about it here.

I had 15 days straight of radiotherapy, slap bang in the middle of my chemo! Not the best idea, but at least it got it over and done with. I found it tiring, but then I was already tired with the effects of chemotherapy, so how tiring I would have found it on its own I am not sure.

The initial visit was a long one, I had to be measured and lined up as to where the laser beam would have to go and so I was moved up and down, side to side, very slightly, so that they got the exact position. I had some tattoes done to enable the radiographer to know where to aim the laser which stung a bit but are not really visible unless you hunt around for them. The visits to actually have the treatment took longer in the waiting room than in the treatment room! Sometimes I would be waiting for an hour, go to the changing room and get myself ready, walk into the treatment room, lie on the table, the huge machine would be moved in to place, the radiographer would leave but I could still hear them speaking to me, the machine would make a whinning noise and red beams would shine across my body. The radiographer would return, reposition the machine, and the whole thing would be done again. The whole process took 10, 15 minutes. I would get changed, make the appointment for the next time, and leave, thankful to be out of the hospital which is always too warm! No pain, nothing to worry about.

At first it was fine, its not as though it hurts or anything, but about half way through I had some sunburnt kind of effects on the skin below my breast, it just looked as though I was tanned. My problems began when the area developed blistering, probably because I am a larger lady and the skin tends to rub, but the blisters burst and the area was so sore it was hard to bear. I had to have dressings on the area for quite a time, weeks in fact, and eventually it did heal up, though the skin was fragile, thin and delicate. I had to pat to dry rather than rub, and under wire bras were out of the question. I used zinc and castor oil cream on the area, my doctor said it would build the skin layers and he was correct, so eventually I got better, but it did take a while. I have ehlers danlos hypermobility syndrome, so I do not know whether it was worse because of my sensitive skin, or whether other people have the problems I did. My oncologist did remark, when I saw him last week, that it was a common problem to have damage, but it is best to have the radiotherapy to make sure the cells are blasted! 7 years on I am still more comfortable wearing a soft bra, not underwired. I can wear underwire bras, and have done so, depending on the clothes I have on at the time, I just feel more comfortable without. I hope this helps anybody undergoing radiotherapy, take care of your skin, its very important. x
I have ehlers danlos hypermobilty syndrome, here is my blog about it.
http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5411132973395355334#overview/src=dashboard

Hospital visit.

I have an appointment to see my oncologist on Thursday afternoon. I only have to go once a year now but each time I dread the visit. I have been very lucky, and up to now I have come out with a clean bill of health though you never know, she may find something I have missed, hence why I dread it I suppose! I check myself regularly for lumps and bumps, not that I have found any, apart from the reactive lymph nodes in my neck which I have been told are no problem, though they have yet to disappear. As my GP said to me one day when I asked about them, if they were any problem they would be the size of an orange by now! He has a point I suppose! I was given a 10 year time period to keep seeing the oncologist and surgeon, a lot of breast cancer patients only have to go for 5 years but mine was fast growing and aggressive, hence the increased time. I have now been going for 7 years and though I don`t like going, and dread every visit, I can imagine that when we reach that 10 year point when I no longer need to attend hospital on a regular basis, I may well feel apprehensive and worried, because my safety net will be taken from me. I know I felt the same when my chemotherapy sessions finished, although I was very glad to not have chemo any longer, I was apprehensive that I had no reassurance that things were okay every couple of weeks or so. They were brilliant, and understood the way I would feel, reassuring me that they were just on the end of the phone, if I needed any help or someone to talk to.  They told me a lot of people feel the same way. The number is still underneath a fridge magnet on my fridge door.

Against the odds.

I won`t lie, I have spent quite a lot of time during the last 7 years worrying that my breast cancer could return, but then I expect that is true of a lot of people who have cancer. I do my best to keep positive, and a lot of the time I succeed, but if I lie awake in the early hours my mind tends to wander and I can`t help thinking "what if?". Not all the time, not every time I am lying in the dark unable to sleep, but sometimes you can`t control your thoughts can you, and before you know it your mind is back there, when you discovered that cancer had invaded your body, and worry takes over. I can`t help it, I really can`t, and I don`t want to dwell on "what if" and so I set about keeping busy or occupying my mind with other happier thoughts. If I am up and about when these thoughts come upon me I will try to deflect them by doing something interesting, reading a book, painting, emailing a friend, anything to get rid of those negative thoughts. If I am in bed, lying in the dark at 3am its not easy to turn your mind to something else and then I find I am unable to sleep. I find it handy to have my DS by my bed and I distract my thoughts playing a game, it often works and I can go back to sleep. Its only natural to be worried about cancer returning, I had grade 3 breast cancer over 7 years ago and at first I thought about it all the time but as the time has passed I think about it less and less, especially now family life has moved on and I am a proud grandmother, after all you cannot put your life on hold for cancer. Live each day as it comes, enjoy each day, love your family and friends, try and find a positive in every situation. So here is my positive about cancer, if I had never had cancer I would not be aware of how many people actually love and care about me. As soon as I let it be known that cancer had struck I had offers of support from so many people, some of whom I did not expect any help from, and who I did not realised cared so much. I am grateful for everybody who helped me through my ordeal, friends and relatives who I discovered cared more than I ever realised. Yes, I still worry that one day the dreaded cancer could return, but against the odds I beat it once, why should I not beat it again?
Its breast cancer awareness month in October. It is also Stand up to cancer, and that is what I am doing, standing up to cancer. I will not let it beat me, and I won`t let the worry of it returning beat me down either.

Be aware of the signs of breast cancer.

October is breast cancer awareness month and as a survivor of grade 3 breast cancer for over 7 years I know I am a very lucky person. After all there are only 4 grades of cancer, says it all really.  In February 2013 it will be 8 years since my diagnosis and I am grateful to all the people who helped me to be here today. I know not everyone is so lucky.

I had a routine mammogram which picked up a lump, it was 1cm so the doctors told me it was very small and had been caught early. The biopsy I had was not too bad, the doctor pointed out the problem area on the ultrasound screen and when I asked him straight could I have cancer, he answered me honestly and said he thought it to be the case.  I had to return the following day for the results.  I had not even wanted to attend the mammogram, I was invited to have it because I was turning 50 that July and as I was still 49 I did not want to go for the mammogram as I did not want to be 50! Ridiculous I know but thats how I felt at the time, I am so glad I was persuaded otherwise.

When they told me it was cancer I was numb, I could not believe it had happened to me, and I was so frightened about what would happen next. The thought of possible chemotherapy scared me, I had always hated hospitals and I certainly did not want to be cut open.  I had never had an operation and I was worried about having an anaesthetic. Even the word Cancer frightened me, it always had done to be honest. I was told it was grade 1 so I would have an operation to remove the tumour then radiotherapy.

About 3 or 4 weeks later I went into hospital to have a wide local excision, used to be known as a lumpectomy. The surgeon told me they would remove enough tissue to ensure the whole tumour had gone, and would take some lymph nodes too, to ensure it had not spread.

A week after I left hospital I had the lab results, things were not as expected. The surgeon had taken 13 lymph nodes and 3 had contained cancer. My cancer was fast growing and aggressive, and not grade 1 as I had been told, but grade 3. I would need radiotherapy, but also chemotherapy and it would need to be very aggressive to make sure it got any stray cells. I was devastated as you can imagine, I did not know how to cope, but knew I had to because I had my family around me who loved me. My husband and my children, my elderly mother, my sisters, neices and nephews, my close friends were all behind me, ready to support me all the way.

I was afraid of chemotherapy but more I was afraid of the unknown. Nobody had told me what would happen, would I have tablets, injections, a drip? I knew nothing of chemotherapy and I wanted to know what I was dealing with!

The nurses in the chemotherapy department were great, they explained what would happen and were so supportive and helpful. The first lot I had, every 3 weeks for 4 sessions was administered by an IV flow into the back of my hand by a kind nurse who sat in front of me, talking quietly to calm and support me, while she slowly pushed the drugs into my body. I was given anti sickness tablets and good advice. Yes I was sick, very sick, so on my next visit to the oncologist I told her what had happened and she doubled the medication to help me. I lost all my hair 3 weeks after that first session and was issued with a wig by a wonderful lady who cut it to my liking. I also had an array of head scarves which I alternated with the wig on days I did not want to wear one. Radiotherapy did not hurt, though I had problems with my skin which was burnt by the constant rays and which I had to take great care of with the help of the GP practice nurse. The second kind of chemotherapy I had was administered by a drip over about an hour and we had comfortable armchairs to sit in which reclined. The radio played in the unit and the nurses were always about to answer questions and give advice. The whole experience was not nice, I will not lie to you, but I got through it.  I had good days and bad, I was poorly for a week following chemo then would gradually start to feel a little better for a few days before I had the next session. The help, love and support I had from family and friends during this time was invaluable and I shall never forget what they did for me. It got me through.

After all my chemotherapy and radiotherapy finished I discovered my tumour was HER2 positive and I had to have herceptin. I had this at the hospital again by a IV drip every 2 weeks for a year. My hair had begun to grow back right at the end of the 8 months of chemotherapy and it was coming through in tight curls! Rather unexpected to say the least, it was soft and resembled baby hair! I did not feel many ill effects on herceptin which was great and I knew it increased the chances of the cancer not returning a lot, so it was worth having the drug.

So 2 years of treatments, and then ofcourse there are the hormones, Tamoxifen and now Letrozole, which I have to take every day. I still visit the hospital to see my surgeon and oncologist annually and my GP keeps an eye on my health in the meantime. I do worry, yes, that the cancer will return but I suppose that is normal and I try not to let it affect me too much, its best to try and put it out of your mind if at all possible, not as easy as it sounds. I have to see the professionals for 10 years because my cancer was grade 3, normally you would attend for 5 years, but at least I know I am being looked after and have the support I need.  The important thing is that over 7 years, now almost 8 years, since I was diagnosed with a fast growing and aggressive form of breast cancer I am still here. If I had not had that mammogram I may not have been.  So please, attend your mammogram appointments, and touch, look and check. It could save your life.  All the best. xxx

I did not find a lump, I did have some signs which I had not realised meant anything at the time. Thickening and dimpling of the skin of the breast are changes which can indicate a problem but I was not aware of this at the time, I wish I had been. www.breakthrough.org.uk would have been useful if I had realised what the signs could mean.  TLC - Touch, Look, Check, their campaign gives further details. Here is the TLC guide, courtesy of Breakthrough Breast cancer.
Love your breasts. Be breast aware.
Most cases of breast cancer are found by women noticing unusual changes, taking the initiative and visiting their doctor. The earlier breast cancer is found, the better the chance of beating it – so you can see how important it is to make regular checks.
Being breast aware simply means knowing what your breasts look and feel like normally, being on the lookout for any unusual changes and getting them checked out by your doctor. Lumps are vital to look out for – but there can be other important signs too. And even if you do find a lump, in most cases they turn out not to be cancerous. So stay calm – remain in control.

It’s as simple as TLC...

TOUCH your breasts. Can you feel anything unusual?
LOOK for changes. Is there any change in shape or texture?
CHECK anything unusual with your doctor.
No one knows your body better than you and everyone will have their own way of touching and looking for changes – there’s no special technique and you don’t need any training. It’s good to get into the habit of doing this regularly – maybe when you’re in the bath or shower, or while getting dressed in the morning. You might prefer to do it while standing up or lying down. Either way, the important thing is to be familiar with how your breasts look and feel normally, so you notice anything unusual – and remember to check the whole breast area, including your upper chest and armpits.

You’re never too old for some TLC

Whatever your age, it’s good to get into the habit of checking. The risk of breast cancer increases with age, so if you are over 50, you’ll get an invitation for free breast screening every three years up to the age of 70. And remember if you’re over 70 you are still entitled to free breast screening – just ask your local screening service or doctor.
This information is available here  http://www.breakthrough.org.uk/breast_cancer/breast_awareness/index.html

 

TLC for breast cancer.

It is important to touch look check to ascertain if there are any abnormalities with your breasts and catch cancer early.

You can get free publications about breast cancer from breakthrough breast cancer, you can take some leaflets for distribution to your workplace, doctors surgery, dentist, local playgroup, community centre .........................
the list goes on. 
You can get free posters, and credit card size with information, and leaflets etc from the breakthrough breast cancer website, it takes a few minutes to go on to the website and order what you need.
They are free so you have no excuse, order some today and put a poster up at work, leave some leaflets out on a convenient table, help everyone to get some TLC.
This is the website you need, and thankyou from a 7 year survivor, it could save your life or the life or a friend or colleague. Don`t forget, men get breast cancer too.

www.breakthrough.org.uk/publications 

Taking hormones after breast cancer can hurt the joints.

Following my operation, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and herceptin I was told to take Tamoxifen tablets which I did for 5 years. My oncologist then changed my medication to another hormone, saying it would give me the best chance of avoiding a return of cancer and I started to take letrozole. The problem with taking this drug is that it can make any arthritis and joint problems worse, which I soon found out, but I decided to try and persevere with it as I wanted the best chance I could of keeping the cancer at bay. I am now, unfortunately, at the point where walking is very painful and I cannot walk very far at all,but then again I could not walk all that far previously so would this have happened naturally, or is the increase in pain and the subsequent decrease in mobility due to the medication alone, or to the worsening arthritis, or both? I am going to my GP today to ask some questions and to request a referal to a rheumatologist for a second opinion as to be quite honest I do not want to stop taking the drug only to find my pain and mobility stay the same, and the worse happens which would be the return of the cancer. I do not know if the pain and loss of mobility is solely due to the medication or whether it is partly due to the worsening of my arthritis and degenerative disease, or whether it is actually making the arthritis and degenerative disease worse! I am very reluctant to stop taking the medication, even though I now have so much more pain, because I am quite frankly scared that if I stop taking it the cancer will return and that is what I am the most afraid of, it terrifies me. I am going to have to make some difficult decisions, or perhaps I will just stay as I am.

Breast cancer, fight it, I am still here.

October is breast cancer awareness month, not that you should be unaware any of the other months, you should check regularly for lumps, bumps, dimples and other irregularities and attend mammograms too. My breast cancer was discovered because I went along, reluctantly I must admit,(my husband insisted, having found the letter in the waste paper basket) for my first routine mammogram when I was 49, 6 months before I turned 50 years old, not expecting anything to be found. I was so certain that there would be no problem that we booked a holiday to Greece the same day! Within a week I had a hospital letter to attend, followed by a biopsy and a week after that first mammogram I heard the awful news that I had breast cancer. We were stunned, frightened, agonised, numb, terrified, every emotion you can think of. I wanted the alien immediately cut out of my body, I could not bear to think of the cancer inside me, eating me away. On my hospital visits I realised I had actually missed signs which I was totally unaware of, dimpled skin on the breast was a sign of cancer which I had never realised but now ofcourse I wish I had known. I am not even sure how long it was there before my diagnosis, but I think it was there for quite a while. Perhaps I could have prevented the tumour forming if I had gone to the doctors? I don`t know, I have been to scared and embarrassed to ask anybody, but now I wish I had known what it could mean. Any abnormalities that were not apparent before, inturned nipples, strange dimpling skin, feeling a lump is not the only sign.
I have had my story in newspapers and magazines before, trying to raise awareness, trying to encourage women, and men, to have tests, mammograms, watch out for the signs. When stories were requested again as to how cancer was discovered I sent my story to Breakthrough breast cancer, not because I am courting fame, want my name or photo in a magazine, nothing like that, my sole aim is to raise awareness and make even one woman think, help even one woman (hopefully many) seek help. We must not forget men, they can get breast cancer too. So I sent my story in, knowing that as October is breast cancer awareness month they would want all the stories made known, all the publicity they could. Magazines, newspapers I could cope with. I don`t mind writing my story out, discussing it with somebody, sending in my photo, writing a blog. If it will make someone aware, give them the courage to find help that is my aim. I was not prepared to be asked to appear on television. I had an email asking if I would speak on the Lorraine show! I was a bit shocked, no I was very shocked, and I really really wish I could have found the courage to do it. I know I should have, I do desperately want to get the message out there, to try and help. I`m sorry, I don`t have the confidence to speak on television, and to be honest my mobility is not great due to arthritis so a journey to and perhaps across London is not something I would relish, nor would I find it an easy thing to do. I feel awful about turning down the opportunity to speak but I am stressed just thinking about it! Maybe that seems silly to some people, hopefully a lot of people will understand, I just wish I could overcome my fears. I am still happy for my story to be told in newspapers, blogs, magazines, to get the message out there.
If you have found a lump, if you have found unusual dimpling on the skin of the breast or a change in your nipple, please please go and see your doctor, don`t be afraid, you can get through whatever will happen. I had an operation, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, herceptin, lost my hair, was terribly sick, very tired, had no energy but now, seven and a half years after my diagnosis I am still here, I am alive. I am a grandmother, I know who my friends are, I have a wonderful family. My cancer was grade 3, fast growing and aggressive. I was scared and sometimes I will not lie, I still am. I am still here, against all the odds I am still here.
A nice post script to my story, after being on the Anthony Nolan bone marrow register for many years, 5 years ago my husband was called upon to donate his bone marrow. He gave his donation and saved the life of a lady in the USA. We did not know where she was at the time, but after a certain time scale the recipient is allowed contact if they so wish and we have been in contact with the lady whose life he saved. She is just a little younger than us by 5 years or so, and like us has two grown up children a son and daughter. She has told us she would have died without the bone marrow donation and we are both very happy to know that she is alive and well because of it. So in effect he saved two lives, mine when he insisted I attend that first mammogram and Michelles in USA. He said it was his way of giving something back for all the help I had and for my life being saved.  

A GOOD, NO A BRILLIANT, OUTCOME.

At the start of July I had an isotope bone scan, due to the amount of pain I suffer in my back and hips my surgeon thought it would be a good idea. The fact that the pain wakes me up at night and disturbs my sleep obviously worried him a bit and so he arranged for me to have a scan. He said I would get a letter asking me to go in and see him at the hospital if they found anything we needed to discuss, obviously he was looking for bone cancer.

Today, almost at the end of July a letter arrived in a brown envelope this morning. Due to the time taken to send the letter I was feeling optimistic as I presumed had there been a problem I would have heard sooner, but I still could not stop myself feeling a little apprehensive as I tore open the envelope. Yes, yes, yes, I was smiling as soon as I read the letter, relieved to see that the scan showed degenerative changes only - NO CANCER!!! Although I had told myself it was going to be okay, and I had said the same thing to my  family, you cannot help but be a bit worried and scared that you are wrong. The thought of having to go through treatment again was horrible, so the relief that I don`t have to face it is enormous.

Thanks for all your support. x

Radioactive bone scan.

It has been almost 4 weeks now since I had an isotope bone scan on the instruction of my surgeon. Not the best experience, the injection with radioactive material was no problem, she sprayed my hand with something to numb it first, not that it did much good as my veins are so bad they still had three attempts to find a vein and in the end they had to move from the back of my hand to my arm, just inside my elbow, in an attempt to find the vein, so I was black and blue for days. The back of my hand was completely black, the vein having blown when she tried to access it. I am used to it, having had so much chemotherapy and then herceptin its a wonder she got a vein at all.

I then had 2 hours to wait until the radioactive material had gone round my body and into my bones, I also had to drink 2 litres of water which was not easy in 2 hours, its a lot of water! I was really worried that I would need to use the toilet whilst lying on the scan table so I made the radiologist aware of my concerns and she said they would give me a break inbetween the two scans I needed if I had to "go".

The table was not very comfortable, not very wide with a dip down the centre and hard. Lying on my back is not the easiest thing for me to do, my legs go numb and I lay there worrying whether I would be able to get up again. The first scan took just about 20 minutes but I was lying on the table for about 25 to 30 minutes as they had to set up first. I had my arms at my side, tied to me by a large strap across my middle. My feet were tied together to keep my legs straight and stop me moving. The bed moved towards the equipment and the huge cameras whirred their way towards my head. They were very close, I had to shut my eyes as I am claustrophobic. I had been told that the camera would be over my face for only about 5 minutes. Its very difficult to estimate 5 minutes when you are lying in that position with your eyes shut! I opened one eye to see if the camera had gone past and shut it quickly when I realised it was just inches from my face. Once the cameras had started to move slowly down my body I felt a little better but by then my back was painful and my legs starting to go numb. I willed myself to lie still until the machine finished its job and a voice said it was all over, but to lie still for a moment until they came. The lady came over and I asked if I could sit up for a moment to ease the pain in my back and legs. I had a bit of a problem sitting up from that position but just about managed it. I rubbed my legs, trying to get the feeling back. They hurt when the feeling starts to return.
I then had to have another scan, this time the cameras were concentrating on my spine and moved slowly around my body so they could get 3D pictures. My head was free so I could look at the computer and see my own skeleton! A strange experience. The second part of the scan took another 20 minutes but again I was lying on the table for a little longer while the cameras set up. By the end of the second scan I had no feeling in my legs and my back was screaming in pain. It took 3 attempts for me to sit myself up, then I had to wait, rubbing my legs for a few moments until I could swing sideways and slowly get my feet to the floor. I asked the lady to pass my stick and I made my way unsteadily to the waiting room where Graham was waiting for me. He started to rise when he saw me but I indicated that I needed a few minutes to sit before I would be able to walk out of the building. I would not want to go through that again. I had no side effects, as they said, from the radioactive injection, I did drink a lot to make sure it was out of my body.

As I have not, as yet, had any results after 4 weeks I am assuming that there are no nasty surprises waiting for me, just the thought freaks me out of what they could have found. Hopefully no news is good news, it would be nice to have a letter just to say "all we found was your arthritis"!

Not looking forward to my bone scan.

The appointment has arrived for my bone scan on Wednesday. I have to be at the hospital for 9am and by the looks of things I shall be there for several hours. The letter came with a booklet explaining all about the scan, apparently it is a very expensive procedure and the radioactive material they will inject me with is expensive so I have to ring if I am unable to go as soon as possible. I must admit I feel like ringing and cancelling the whole thing, I am feeling extremely nervous about it. I am fine with injections, when I had breast cancer and the subsequent chemotherapy I had numerous injections over the couple of years I had my treatments, but I am claustrophobic and the thought of being in the enclosed space is freaking me out a bit. Some people have asked if it is like a CT scan or an MRI, well I am not sure to be honest, it does sound similar, except that the leaflet says it will take almost an hour, and when hubby had an MRI it was about 20 minutes, and he did not have to be injected with radioactive material! My brother in law kindly told me the other week that it was the most painful injection he has ever had! Thanks Rich! It is a well known fact that women can bear pain a lot more than men (at least thats what the nurses and doctor said on 24 hours in A and E on tv the other night) so I am hoping its true!! After all we have to bear childbirth don`t we girls? Enough said.

I am a bit worried about the results of this scan, the consultant who ordered it for me is the surgeon I see about my breast cancer, and when I said my arthritis pain was much worse he said we had better get this looked at. I keep telling myself it is my arthritis that is causing the pain, but a tiny corner of my mind keeps saying to me "it could be worse than that". God I hope not. Hope its just arthritis.

Full body bone scan.

On Friday I had my annual visit to my surgeon, I see him every year for 10 years following my diagnosis of breast cancer. He came into the room and asked how I was and I said I was fine apart from the fact that my arthritis was quite bad. Oh how I wish I had kept my mouth shut, he asked me where the pain is, has it become very bad, do I have pain elsewhere? The pain in my lower back is with me all the time, I also have it in my knees, ankles sometimes, shoulder, hips and at times in my upper back. He popped out of the room then appeared a few minutes later, he thinks I should have a full body bone scan, just in case, was that okay? Can`t say I fancy the idea, but then he is the specialist so I should trust his judgement, he knows what he is talking about. You should also have an xray of the lower back, we can arrange for you to have the xray today, and you will receive a letter to go back for the bone scan soon he said. So off I went to have a back xray which thankfully did not take too long, the bone scan will take a lot longer. I have heard what happens and don`t really fancy it, but needs must. The doctor freaked me out a little when he said if there is anything to discuss you will receive a letter to come back and see me to talk about it. Hopefully it is just my arthritis that is troubling me, I cannot think of the possibility that it could be anything more, so I won`t. Comes to something when you want to hear the news that your spine is crumbling!

The Surgeon.

Just rang my surgeons secretary as my annual appointment has yet to come through and I normally see him, or a member of his team, in March each year. The appointment normally comes through not long after I have the last appointment then I have to stick it on the side of the freezer with a fridge magnet for 12 months and hope I remember to go! Apparently this has now all changed as people kept forgetting to attend! Not surprising, it is not easy to remember to go to an appointment from one year to the next! So now the appointments will arrive around 6 weeks before the due date so that hopefully you will remember about it! The secretary said I shall be getting my letter through soon to say when I need to go. What a palaver!

7 years on.

Next month it will be 7 years since I was first diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer. The chemo I had was very aggressive and I now take a hormone based tablet to prevent a return of the cancer which is causing my arthritis to get worse and has also now caused my bones to start thinning. I am in a lot of pain because of arthritis but am reluctant to stop taking the medication as I am quite frankly scared that the cancer will make a return if I do, so I am in a no win situation really, constant unremitting pain of arthritis or the constant fear of cancer coming back. My oncologist told me that I have a better chance by taking the medication and so I would prefer to do so, but I am getting to the end of my tether some days with the pain I have. I cannot sleep well, due to pain, and am back on anti inflammatories and pain killers which I did not want to start taking again. I have now had to start taking calcium and vitamin D3 which I suspect is making me have pains in my stomach which is not good as I presume I shall have to take it for life. I have also got oral thrush, caused by the steroid inhaler I take for asthma, so I am having some vile tasting medicine which I have to keep in my mouth as long as possible, then gargle with and swallow so it could be that which is making my stomach hurt. I hope it is the thrush medication rather than the calcium as I only have to have it for a couple of weeks until it has gone so I shall wait and see. Knowing my luck it will be the calcium which is long term. Oh well, needs must!