Against the odds.

I won`t lie, I have spent quite a lot of time during the last 7 years worrying that my breast cancer could return, but then I expect that is true of a lot of people who have cancer. I do my best to keep positive, and a lot of the time I succeed, but if I lie awake in the early hours my mind tends to wander and I can`t help thinking "what if?". Not all the time, not every time I am lying in the dark unable to sleep, but sometimes you can`t control your thoughts can you, and before you know it your mind is back there, when you discovered that cancer had invaded your body, and worry takes over. I can`t help it, I really can`t, and I don`t want to dwell on "what if" and so I set about keeping busy or occupying my mind with other happier thoughts. If I am up and about when these thoughts come upon me I will try to deflect them by doing something interesting, reading a book, painting, emailing a friend, anything to get rid of those negative thoughts. If I am in bed, lying in the dark at 3am its not easy to turn your mind to something else and then I find I am unable to sleep. I find it handy to have my DS by my bed and I distract my thoughts playing a game, it often works and I can go back to sleep. Its only natural to be worried about cancer returning, I had grade 3 breast cancer over 7 years ago and at first I thought about it all the time but as the time has passed I think about it less and less, especially now family life has moved on and I am a proud grandmother, after all you cannot put your life on hold for cancer. Live each day as it comes, enjoy each day, love your family and friends, try and find a positive in every situation. So here is my positive about cancer, if I had never had cancer I would not be aware of how many people actually love and care about me. As soon as I let it be known that cancer had struck I had offers of support from so many people, some of whom I did not expect any help from, and who I did not realised cared so much. I am grateful for everybody who helped me through my ordeal, friends and relatives who I discovered cared more than I ever realised. Yes, I still worry that one day the dreaded cancer could return, but against the odds I beat it once, why should I not beat it again?
Its breast cancer awareness month in October. It is also Stand up to cancer, and that is what I am doing, standing up to cancer. I will not let it beat me, and I won`t let the worry of it returning beat me down either.