Its been over 8 years now since I was diagnosed with stage 3 fast growing and aggressive breast cancer. It had already spread to 3 of my lymph glands, out of the 13 they took out, and later on I discovered the tumour was HER2 positive. A very bad diagnosis by anybodys standards and I was told I would require very aggressive chemotherapy to beat it.
I had my operation, I had my chemotherapy, I had my radiotherapy and then I had a year of herceptin followed by 5 years of tamoxifen and now I am taking letrozole, another hormone. All have taken their toll on my body, my hair fell out, I was very sick, my skin was burnt under my breast caused by radiotherapy and took 4 months of excrutiating pain and careful management before it healed up, my immune system all but disappeared so that I kept catching lots of infections, my nails broke, I had mouth ulcers, I still suffer from stomach problems and like to know I am near a toilet when I go out. I have had a lot of positive things happen though. First of all, and most important I lived! I am alive!! Having been told by my consultant surgeon that he has a few ladies still alive after 10 years following such a diagnosis I was, understandably petrified, after all I was 49 years old when diagnosed, no age I`m sure you will agree. Yes I still have 2 years of those 10 years to go, so perhaps I am not out of the woods yet, I am still plodding to the hospital every 6 months for oncology appointments and to see the surgeon and I have to keep attending until 10 years after my diagnosis. In one way I am looking forward to those 10 years being up, to being properly in remission and being able to say "yes, I beat it." On the other hand I am slightly afraid of those 10 years being up because it will mean an end to all those hospital check ups, nobody to look me over every few months, nobody to make sure no other lumps have formed, nobody apart from myself, or self examination as the posters say, TLC, touch, look, check. I mean I did not even find the lump in the first place! I had no idea it was there, even though I had other symptoms that cancer was trying to invade me, I must admit I did not know what those symptoms were. The dimpling around the nipple, the inverted nipples, the pain I got sometimes, especially if I bumped myself or the dog stood on me when I was lying in bed! Apparently all those things indicated that cancer could be present, I wish I had known, maybe I would have caught it even earlier. All I knew was to look for a lump, maybe discharge, those other symptoms I mention, I had no idea. Yes, I had them all, not the discharge, but the dimpling, inversion, pain. No lump though, that showed up on a routine mammogram which I had because I was approaching my 50th birthday, deeply buried, 1cm so not very big. Thank God for that routine mammogram which picked up my cancer, thank God for the radiographer who recognised the calcification. Or perhaps I should thank medical science, whoever, just thankyou.
So the moral of this tale is I am still alive, I have seen my son and daughter married, I have become a grandmother, I can still live and enjoy my life. I am still alive because I had a routine mammogram. I am still alive because of the knowledge and skill of the doctors, the surgeon, oncologist, radiographer. I am still alive because of the support of my family and friends, because of the love shown to me every day. I am still alive over 8 years after a stage 3, grade 3 cancer diagnosis, when the alien which had invaded my body had already spread to 3 lymph nodes and was getting ready to rush around my body, to try to kill me. I am still alive because of the advances of medical science, and I am still alive because I was determined to be here, with my family, with my loved ones in 2013 and beyond.
I saw a lady yesterday who was diagnosed the year before me. She had just been for her check ups at hospital and was clear. Like me she has 10 years of hospital visits until she is discharged (a lot of people only need to go for 5 years) and when we were talking we agreed that it never goes away, it is there every morning when you wake up and get dressed, it is there every night when you get undressed and go to bed. The fear, I suspect, will always be with us, I don`t think that is something we can help, when you are faced with your own mortality the fear becomes ingrained within you. We are both alive, we did not let breast cancer beat us. If you are fighting breast cancer, if you have just been diagnosed, please know that although it is not easy, you CAN get through it, you CAN beat it. I will, you will. Good luck. xxx
