LOPSIDED

On my last  annual visit to my oncologist, just a couple of weeks ago, for the first time in 7 years someone asked me how I feel about the way I look now. I see the actual oncologist occasionally now, I used to see her every visit in the beginning, but now time has gone on I usually get to see her registrar so I see a different person each year. I saw a very thorough young man this time, to be honest he looked like he had hardly left school he looked so young, but I should imagine he was older than he looked as he was a registrar and I know it takes years of training to get to that stage. He was very nice, he gave me a very thorough investigation making sure I had no lumps or bumps anywhere, checking my neck and my liver and for the first time I received a letter from him saying that no problems had been found at my appointment, he did tell me that when I saw him face to face, but it was nice to also have a letter to that effect. For the first time he asked me how I felt about the way I look now.  I had a wide local excision and 3 out of 13 lymph glands removed from underneath my armpit and though the scar has healed well and is neat enough, it has also faded through the years I do feel lopsided. I was told by my surgeon who carried out the operation originally that a good fitting bra would sort me out but even so I do still feel a bit lopsided and sometimes I feel one side looks a little lower than the other. The doctor told me that if I felt really strongly about my shape and the way I now look I could speak to someone to have surgery to even myself up. He said it was important I felt good about myself. I appreciated his concern, and I thought it was nice, that he obviously realised (for a change) that I might feel less than happy with my shape and the way I look. I know one lady who had a mastectomy on one side but could not get on with her chicken fillet, she did not want to have a reconstruction though, and eventually she decided to have a mastectomy the other side so to at least even herself up. A brave decision, especially as we are talking a couple of years or so after her previous surgery, but she insisted she would feel better about herself to have this done! Hopefully she has come to terms with her decision as I know she went ahead with the operation, and feels better as a result. Its a personal thing, and obviously it is best to do what you feel happy with, I think I may have gone for reconstruction but then again I was not actually in that position, so I may have gone down a different route if I had been faced with it. I have thought about what the doctor said to me, and I appreciate his concern and caring about how I feel, but I cannot face another operation to even myself up so I shall stick with my well fitting bras, as I have done for the past 7 years and will hold my head high. I have had enough of hospitals, I don`t like operations, anaesthetics and all the rest of it and I cannot see the point of putting myself through any more trauma. The difference is not so great, the droop is not so bad, and maybe with time I will not even notice that I am a little lopsided. It is entirely a matter of choice, nobody should do something they are not happy with, but I am glad, that at last someone bothered to ask me what my thoughts are on my own situation. It was kind of my doctor and I appreciate his caring attitude.